Thursday, July 15, 2010

A perfect momma

When Ro was born I stared at him for hours...well I still stare at him for hours, but in the beginning the staring was accompanied by so many thoughts running through my head. Oh goodness I was exploding with love and anxiety, laughs and tears. I cried every day for a week at 6 o'clock on the dot (can you say hormones!!??). Anyway, whenever he would open his eyes, I made sure his gaze met mine. His deep gray eyes would look right at me and all was well in the world. The weeks have passed quickly and we still stare. Now we stare and smile and then coo. Ooooo those melt my heart. I feel so much love. He looks at me with an eye of perfection...he thinks I am perfect...uh oh. One day my hormonal anxiety snuck in and I thought, "Oh no. When will he realize I am not who he thinks I am...I'm not perfect...". As a new mother I have such a strong desire to do everything right. I have been given this sweet boy to take care of, to guide and lead through life. What if, in my imperfection, I mess him up (for a lack of better words!)? Oh man, new mother anxiety will take you over.
I became a little too consumed and created too much pressure for myself. I quickly became tired with those icky feelings however, and decided that I want to live a life that is as free from anxiety as possible, a life that is not pressured, the life that I was put on this Earth to live. We come here to learn, to experience trials and grow from them. We will be perfect one day, but not now. Imperfection is a condition of being human, and of being a mother. My sweet husband (also a recovering perfectionist) shared this with me..."Perfection is man's (or a mother's) ultimate illusion. It simply doesn't exist in this life." Huh! So it's totally ok that i am not perfect? Oh well great! I can just go ahead living, revealing to Ro that his mother is not perfect, but she tries her best, that he is not perfect, but he tries his best, and that as long as we have our minds and hearts centered on an eternal goal we are ok!! Hooray for feeling free.

But seriously, is there anything more perfect than this?

p.s. sorry about my grammar... not perfect... :)


  1. You are doing great, Em! No worries, ok?! Love you!

  2. Seriously...this made me cry!!!

  3. Aw momma! I love are perfect to me!

  4. Oh I just found the rebooted blog. Thank you for sharing with us. You are an amazing mommy. I have always felt you were made to be a momma. This post proves me right.